Thursday, April 3, 2008

Barack OBallin'

In case it wasn’t clear that Barack Obama is the “hip” presidential candidate, he announced on WFNI 1070 that if elected he would replace the White House’s bowling alley with a basketball court, “There’s not only a chance, but it’s a guarantee.”. Apparently this guy took his Hawaii high school team to a 1979 state championship. Given, his state was Hawaii… but still, not too shabby. In fact that here’s some video evidence of his skills:

I’m sure Obama was good back in the day, but he has some pretty offensive comments for some big time players. He said that Indiana’s Eric Gordon “could use some guidance.” Yeah, sure you could probably improve his international policy Barack, but I don’t know if he’s about to come over to your house for some dribbling tips. Then, Obama went on to undercut the GOAT, “I was No. 23 before Michael Jordan was 23.” Oh you’re probably right, Mike probably wore it to rep you. But Obama surely doesn’t think he has NBA talent, right? Well, he described himself as “a slasher, a three, maybe a poor man’s Scottie Pippen or Tayshaun Prince – a guy like that without as much talent.” I see right through your clever campaign tactics, remaining neutral and humbling yourself. We all know you think Prince and Pippen are bums and you could do better.
Through his arrogant tirade, I got the sense that Obama has at least a little respect for the games greats. That’s why I suggest these players as select members of his potential cabinet:

-Kobe Bryant: Ambassador to White Girls
-Shaquille O’Neal: Select Surgeon General for Obese Children
-Stephon Marbury: Any job in the Department of Education

Those are just some suggestions, but all I’m saying is, if Obama is elected he will bring his slashing and his three to the White House, but I don’t know how well his flair for the smack talk will go with the Middle East.


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