Greetings From The 2008 NBA Rookie Photo Shoot!

As usual, the NBA has taken the time to showcase their new rookies in a delightful photo shoot. Last year the result was some sort of weird music video where everyone was still into leaning with it and rocking with it (http://gamewreckgame.blogspot.com/2007/08/you-cant-keep-them-from-dancing.html). This year, GRG invites you to enjoy the event slideshow style.


Does Anthony Randolph's head always look like this? I'm pretty sure it's been squeezed.


It appears that the camera has caught Russell Westbrook in the middle of supermaning that OHHHHHH!



Haha Kosta Koufos. No joke here... no joke needed.


Usually these pictures are action shots or at least set up to make the players look tough. All Donte Greene seems to be missing is a bear skin rug and a fireplace behind him.


Look how sad JaVale McGee is. He can't be comfortable on that itty bitty stool. Giving him that was just cruel.

Somebody Out There Really Hates Kobe Bryant

For reading my opinions about things over the years, you've earned you some tube:



MVP? Yeah of Fire Island!

The Most Eventful Off-Season Since Last Off-Season!

The Next Charles Barkley? He's Chubby Enough

In an off-season that will in no way come close to rivaling last years (remember that whole KG/Ray Allen trade thing?) some interesting things have actually been happening. Our rivals at the Last Word (dsa31891.blogspot.com) have taken the time to write entire articles about each trade…borrriiinnngg. Here’s a quick snippet with some of my thoughts:

Elton Brand coming to Philly: I am generally a pessimistic person when it comes to the Sixers making trades and whatnot, but I can’t help but be excited about this. Although he’s almost 30 and coming off a pretty serious injury, the Rubber Brand Man is pretty much a guaranteed 20 and 10 player and he can only help a young team trying to advance in the playoffs.

Jermaine O’Neal going to Toronto: I’ve always thought O’Neal was an overrated player and I can’t see the Raptors going too far in the post season now that they have him. More notably, they lost T.J. Ford in the trade and have to upgrade Calderon to a starter without a decent backup. Calderon was better than Ford this past year but it might have had something to do with Al Horford breaking T.J.’s back by slamming him into the floor.

Clippers signing Baron Davis: This is clearly a good job by the Clippers and I can see Davis remaining an impact player for a few more years and maybe making the playoffs again if some of the younger players work out. I can’t help but assume that Davis was pretty mad when Brand decided to leave, but the Clippers have still had a pretty good offseason so far.

The offseason is far from over and the Lakers are still trying to fit in a blockbuster deal. They offered a Lamar-Odom-for-Ron-Artest trade to Sacramento which seems pretty lopsided to me. Artest can be considered one of the 10 best players in the League when he is performing to his potential and Lamar Odom is bald. Odom is a decent player but Artest is definitely better in every way. I can’t say what the Kings will end up doing but they can tick off the entire Western Conference by agreeing to the trade.

Can You Believe Shaq's Album Only Went Gold?

"I Love It When You Call Me Big Cactus"
Our favorite MC Shaq Diesel (aka Shaquille O'Neal (aka Big Fraiser)) is at it again, dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant in a freestlye preformed at some night club. Luckily, TMZ was there to capture the whole thing and put it up on the interweb for everyone to enjoy. You can check the video out, or skip it and read the important parts:



You know how I be
Last week, Kobe couldn't be without me
I'm a horse Kobe ratted me out
That's why I'm getting divorced
I love 'em
I don't leave 'em
I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em
Chorus: Kobe *expletive*, tell me how my *expletive* tastes

A verbal beat down if I've ever heard one. Sure, Kobe was MVP and it seems like Shaq is in need of help while the Lakers won the West, and no, Shaq's vasectomy isn't relevant, but still... ouch. Of course, Shaq claims he could hardly help but preform a clearly rehearsed and planned rap for a group of people while being filmed, "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon". He was called upon, ok? Like what, he was just gonna sit there and not freestyle about Kobe? He's an MC people! While Stephen A. Smith and ESPN might criticize this move, GRG praises Shaq for having the guts to say what we were all thinking: What does Shaq's expletive taste like?
I'm just concerned about the inevitable comeback track from camp Kobe. If it's as hot as what Shaq provided, we could have another Tupac/Biggie situation on our hands.

In Case You Didn't Know, Basketball Was Also Played In The 80's

Wait a Second... These Are the Same Teams That Are Playing Now!
I’m sure you all want to hear my opinions on the most exciting NBA Finals in recent memory, which currently has the Lakers up 51-46 at the half in Game 1. Well you can go to ESPN for that generic, “journalistic" stuff. Oh, this is the first time these teams have met since 1987? I had no idea, Stuart Scott, thanks a billion for that. What’s that you say Michael Wilbon? These are the two teams that once employed Magic Johnson and Larry Bird? They were rivals? Now the teams are playing again, many, many years later? Amazing!
Despite the Entertainment Sports Programming Network’s best efforts to beat the point to death, this series is pretty interesting. I mean how close was it to being Detroit vs. San Antonio? If that had happened, GRG would have been converted to a hockey blog. I bet David Stern rigged the games just to avoid a 7 game series that seems like it goes on for 40 games. Here’s a look at what could have been but (thank God) was not:
Rasheed Wallace: Internal combustion. Makes a profanity riddled criticism of Brent Barry’s dunk contest victory.
Tim Duncan: Sets a new NBA record for bank shots. Annoying old guys claim to appreciate his irksome fundamentals. I commit suicide when suddenly realizing this is what got the Spurs their collection of rings.
Bruce Bowen: Reaches the career milestone of 400 billion flops. Realizes that, by never scoring a single point in his career, all his rings are tainted and undeserved. Cries himself to sleep for the remaining 35 years of his life.
Tony Parker: He’s actually pretty good at basketball and has an amazing life… IN FRANCE! Ha ha, sucker.
So, instead of that, we have Kobe potentially dunking on KG and vice versa. I don’t really plan on live blogging any games, or giving breakdowns, but I can refer you to “The Television” or “The Newspaper” for that info. If something funny happens, I’ll put that up for you, but pretty much I’m just getting ready for the draft. With Joe Alexander and Chase Buddinger coming out, the new era of the high flying white boy will be ushered in. The prophecy is fulfilled!

I Know I've Never Heard of Him

Shaq Who?

The media’s connection with the NBA has officially reached over-the-top status. It was bad enough when any idiot could guarantee the public a victory in the playoffs (i.e. Jameer Nelson) but now, a Chicago radio show is willing to listen to some no name kid claim that he can take the Suns all the way one day. His name is something like Shakeel O’Kneel (spelling???) and I, for one, find it hard to believe that his name will be remembered, despite his claims to the contrary, "I think I can do enough to still get us there to win. . . . I will go out with a bang. My name will be remembered."
Considering I don’t even know who the heck he is now, I doubt I will be able to remember him when he retires. Maybe some of you recognize him for his more common name, Big Cactus. When asked about why this unknown role player chose such a strange nickname, he responded, "If you show anybody a cactus, they know what it is worldwide. There are 100 different types of cactus. Nobody knows its origin. You don't have to give it water, but it's known worldwide. And if you grab one, you will get hurt."

So NBA players out there beware because when you square off against this no name you should know:
a) Not to touch him
b) Don’t bother to try and understand his origin
c) Don’t expect him to stop to drink any water

It's Been A While, So Listen To My Stream of Consciousness

"We Won't Have To Take Another Joakim Noah This Year"


In honor of the new, edgy Game Recognize Game format, I actually watched the NBA Draft Lottery today so that I could filter the 30 minutes it takes to the 2 minutes of actually necessary information for you. The draft picks landed as follows:

1) Chicago Bulls
2) Miami Heat
3) Minnesota Timberwolves
4) Seattle Supersonics
5) Memphis Grizzlies
6) New York Knicks
7) L.A. Clippers
8) Milwaukee Bucks
9) Charlotte Bobcats
10) New Jersey Nets
11) Indiana Pacers
12) Sacremento Kings
13) Portland Trail Blazers
14) Golden State Warriors

That right there is a list you can find almost anywhere else starting tomorrow, but here are some fun facts that can only be supplied by GRG (after I copy them from somewhere else).

Chicago had a 1.7 percent chance of winning, but everyone else can take solace in the fact that they still don’t have a head coach.

Jay-Z represented New Jersey during the lottery. H to the Izzo didn’t exactly look natural flanked by the infamous moustaches of Larry Bird and Mike D’Antoni, but I expect to see more of him after he moves the Nets to Crooklyn and takes the head coaching job.

Some young Timberwolves fan who has had over 100 surgeries gave the representative his teddy bear to bring for good luck. The Twolves proceeded to get the 3rd pick… thanks for nothing God.

A season ticket holder who won a sweepstakes represented the Kings. She got the 12th pick and I promise they’ll never hold that sweepstakes again.

Anyway, this season isn’t even over yet and I hope the Spurs know that almost everyone outside of San Antonio is disappointed that they beat New Orleans. I can only hope the Lakers will pull some of these shenanigans to make the series at least a little interesting:



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