Can You Believe Shaq's Album Only Went Gold?

"I Love It When You Call Me Big Cactus"
Our favorite MC Shaq Diesel (aka Shaquille O'Neal (aka Big Fraiser)) is at it again, dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant in a freestlye preformed at some night club. Luckily, TMZ was there to capture the whole thing and put it up on the interweb for everyone to enjoy. You can check the video out, or skip it and read the important parts:



You know how I be
Last week, Kobe couldn't be without me
I'm a horse Kobe ratted me out
That's why I'm getting divorced
I love 'em
I don't leave 'em
I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em
Chorus: Kobe *expletive*, tell me how my *expletive* tastes

A verbal beat down if I've ever heard one. Sure, Kobe was MVP and it seems like Shaq is in need of help while the Lakers won the West, and no, Shaq's vasectomy isn't relevant, but still... ouch. Of course, Shaq claims he could hardly help but preform a clearly rehearsed and planned rap for a group of people while being filmed, "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon". He was called upon, ok? Like what, he was just gonna sit there and not freestyle about Kobe? He's an MC people! While Stephen A. Smith and ESPN might criticize this move, GRG praises Shaq for having the guts to say what we were all thinking: What does Shaq's expletive taste like?
I'm just concerned about the inevitable comeback track from camp Kobe. If it's as hot as what Shaq provided, we could have another Tupac/Biggie situation on our hands.

In Case You Didn't Know, Basketball Was Also Played In The 80's

Wait a Second... These Are the Same Teams That Are Playing Now!
I’m sure you all want to hear my opinions on the most exciting NBA Finals in recent memory, which currently has the Lakers up 51-46 at the half in Game 1. Well you can go to ESPN for that generic, “journalistic" stuff. Oh, this is the first time these teams have met since 1987? I had no idea, Stuart Scott, thanks a billion for that. What’s that you say Michael Wilbon? These are the two teams that once employed Magic Johnson and Larry Bird? They were rivals? Now the teams are playing again, many, many years later? Amazing!
Despite the Entertainment Sports Programming Network’s best efforts to beat the point to death, this series is pretty interesting. I mean how close was it to being Detroit vs. San Antonio? If that had happened, GRG would have been converted to a hockey blog. I bet David Stern rigged the games just to avoid a 7 game series that seems like it goes on for 40 games. Here’s a look at what could have been but (thank God) was not:
Rasheed Wallace: Internal combustion. Makes a profanity riddled criticism of Brent Barry’s dunk contest victory.
Tim Duncan: Sets a new NBA record for bank shots. Annoying old guys claim to appreciate his irksome fundamentals. I commit suicide when suddenly realizing this is what got the Spurs their collection of rings.
Bruce Bowen: Reaches the career milestone of 400 billion flops. Realizes that, by never scoring a single point in his career, all his rings are tainted and undeserved. Cries himself to sleep for the remaining 35 years of his life.
Tony Parker: He’s actually pretty good at basketball and has an amazing life… IN FRANCE! Ha ha, sucker.
So, instead of that, we have Kobe potentially dunking on KG and vice versa. I don’t really plan on live blogging any games, or giving breakdowns, but I can refer you to “The Television” or “The Newspaper” for that info. If something funny happens, I’ll put that up for you, but pretty much I’m just getting ready for the draft. With Joe Alexander and Chase Buddinger coming out, the new era of the high flying white boy will be ushered in. The prophecy is fulfilled!

I Know I've Never Heard of Him

Shaq Who?

The media’s connection with the NBA has officially reached over-the-top status. It was bad enough when any idiot could guarantee the public a victory in the playoffs (i.e. Jameer Nelson) but now, a Chicago radio show is willing to listen to some no name kid claim that he can take the Suns all the way one day. His name is something like Shakeel O’Kneel (spelling???) and I, for one, find it hard to believe that his name will be remembered, despite his claims to the contrary, "I think I can do enough to still get us there to win. . . . I will go out with a bang. My name will be remembered."
Considering I don’t even know who the heck he is now, I doubt I will be able to remember him when he retires. Maybe some of you recognize him for his more common name, Big Cactus. When asked about why this unknown role player chose such a strange nickname, he responded, "If you show anybody a cactus, they know what it is worldwide. There are 100 different types of cactus. Nobody knows its origin. You don't have to give it water, but it's known worldwide. And if you grab one, you will get hurt."

So NBA players out there beware because when you square off against this no name you should know:
a) Not to touch him
b) Don’t bother to try and understand his origin
c) Don’t expect him to stop to drink any water