Somebody Out There Really Hates Kobe Bryant

For reading my opinions about things over the years, you've earned you some tube:



MVP? Yeah of Fire Island!

Can You Believe Shaq's Album Only Went Gold?

"I Love It When You Call Me Big Cactus"
Our favorite MC Shaq Diesel (aka Shaquille O'Neal (aka Big Fraiser)) is at it again, dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant in a freestlye preformed at some night club. Luckily, TMZ was there to capture the whole thing and put it up on the interweb for everyone to enjoy. You can check the video out, or skip it and read the important parts:



You know how I be
Last week, Kobe couldn't be without me
I'm a horse Kobe ratted me out
That's why I'm getting divorced
I love 'em
I don't leave 'em
I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em
Chorus: Kobe *expletive*, tell me how my *expletive* tastes

A verbal beat down if I've ever heard one. Sure, Kobe was MVP and it seems like Shaq is in need of help while the Lakers won the West, and no, Shaq's vasectomy isn't relevant, but still... ouch. Of course, Shaq claims he could hardly help but preform a clearly rehearsed and planned rap for a group of people while being filmed, "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon". He was called upon, ok? Like what, he was just gonna sit there and not freestyle about Kobe? He's an MC people! While Stephen A. Smith and ESPN might criticize this move, GRG praises Shaq for having the guts to say what we were all thinking: What does Shaq's expletive taste like?
I'm just concerned about the inevitable comeback track from camp Kobe. If it's as hot as what Shaq provided, we could have another Tupac/Biggie situation on our hands.

It's Been A While, So Listen To My Stream of Consciousness

"We Won't Have To Take Another Joakim Noah This Year"


In honor of the new, edgy Game Recognize Game format, I actually watched the NBA Draft Lottery today so that I could filter the 30 minutes it takes to the 2 minutes of actually necessary information for you. The draft picks landed as follows:

1) Chicago Bulls
2) Miami Heat
3) Minnesota Timberwolves
4) Seattle Supersonics
5) Memphis Grizzlies
6) New York Knicks
7) L.A. Clippers
8) Milwaukee Bucks
9) Charlotte Bobcats
10) New Jersey Nets
11) Indiana Pacers
12) Sacremento Kings
13) Portland Trail Blazers
14) Golden State Warriors

That right there is a list you can find almost anywhere else starting tomorrow, but here are some fun facts that can only be supplied by GRG (after I copy them from somewhere else).

Chicago had a 1.7 percent chance of winning, but everyone else can take solace in the fact that they still don’t have a head coach.

Jay-Z represented New Jersey during the lottery. H to the Izzo didn’t exactly look natural flanked by the infamous moustaches of Larry Bird and Mike D’Antoni, but I expect to see more of him after he moves the Nets to Crooklyn and takes the head coaching job.

Some young Timberwolves fan who has had over 100 surgeries gave the representative his teddy bear to bring for good luck. The Twolves proceeded to get the 3rd pick… thanks for nothing God.

A season ticket holder who won a sweepstakes represented the Kings. She got the 12th pick and I promise they’ll never hold that sweepstakes again.

Anyway, this season isn’t even over yet and I hope the Spurs know that almost everyone outside of San Antonio is disappointed that they beat New Orleans. I can only hope the Lakers will pull some of these shenanigans to make the series at least a little interesting:



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The Emperor's New Groove

Not to be outdone by his archenemy, Big Aristotle, Kobe has traveled to the far East himself, meeting fans and schooling them in basketball. Despite the slave wages and abuse they receive making Kobe’s sneakers for Nike, plenty of Asian children came out to watch him.
So, to show his appreciation, Kobe dunked on, crossed up and just embarrassed any 4’ Asian in his path… and they loved it. Kobe was treated like a God all throughout Asia, greeted with cheers and crowds of fans. In Taiwan, he received a tribal headband, a sign of leadership. They really almost made this guy their king, but when he realized their were no white women in Asia, he headed home.
Here’s a video of him dunking on a couple of children. He has the crowd eating out of his hand:

We could have used an ambassador like this when they were Commies.

Kobe's Choice

Kobe may or may not be outraged by the Lakers inability to build a productive squad around him. He told Stephen A. that he was demanding a trade from the organization. Later that day, he told Dan Patrick that he still wanted to be a Laker for life. Let’s dive into the contradicting psyche of Kobe Bryant:

"I would like to be traded, yeah. Tough as it is to come to that conclusion there's no other alternative, you know?

------Two Hours Later-----

“Something can be figured out. Just something so I can stay here and be in this city and be with the team I love."

In any case, this was the guy that was worth giving up Shaq for and the Lakers aren’t going to give him up without a fight. If he does stick to his original guns, however, Kobe could go to some very interesting places. As he said to Stephen A. Smith this morning, "At this point I'll go play on Pluto". Here are some teams that might make a good fight:

- The Timberwolves. Minnesota has a frustrated superstar in KG, and the only way to gruntle a disgruntled veteran is to give him some backup, besides these guys are supposedly good buds already. Based on the players they got for Shaq (Odom and Kwame Brown), don’t expect the Lakers to hold out for a particularly good deal.
- The Bulls. Chicago could easily offer Tyrus Thomas and Ben Gordon for Kobe and as the Lakers seem to be rebuilding these young guns would be a good addition.
- The Knicks. New York cannot wait to get rid of the likes of Jared Jeffries, Nate Robinson, actually pretty much anyone but Steph and Curry.

Don’t get me wrong, Kobe could go nearly anywhere, especially since he probably won’t be leaving for another season, but those are just some interesting possibilities. Hopefully, he’ll be able to actually decide what he wants before next year.