The Emperor's New Groove

Not to be outdone by his archenemy, Big Aristotle, Kobe has traveled to the far East himself, meeting fans and schooling them in basketball. Despite the slave wages and abuse they receive making Kobe’s sneakers for Nike, plenty of Asian children came out to watch him.
So, to show his appreciation, Kobe dunked on, crossed up and just embarrassed any 4’ Asian in his path… and they loved it. Kobe was treated like a God all throughout Asia, greeted with cheers and crowds of fans. In Taiwan, he received a tribal headband, a sign of leadership. They really almost made this guy their king, but when he realized their were no white women in Asia, he headed home.
Here’s a video of him dunking on a couple of children. He has the crowd eating out of his hand:

We could have used an ambassador like this when they were Commies.

We're Number 1

If there was any doubt in anybody’s mind that the United States is the most physically dominant and thus superior nation on earth, the USA Men’s Senior Basketball Team has shut you up. They haven’t won by less than 27 points and remain undefeated by the best of the Americas. But some, including ESPN’s Chris Sheridan, aren’t satisfied by the USA. They claim that the roster is full of egos and lacking in defense. Umm, excuse me but last time I checked defense is reserved for opponents that play basketball professionally, not as training for soccer.
You shouldn’t be concerned with the fact that America allowed Mexico to score 100 points, because they’re playing under a system developed partially by Mike D’Antoni. He’s the coach of the Phoenix Suns who doesn’t care how many times the other team scores, as long as his team scores one point more.
Game Recognize Game guarantees an undefeated record in every single game this current incarnation of the USA Olympic Team plays, or I will personally write an entry praising whatever lame, finger-rolling country takes enough charges to win.