Who Divorces This Guy?

Shaquille “Big Respect” O’Neal has always been a leader in the crusade against bullying. This has never been more evident than here, in a cut scene from SNL where he seems to protect and then serenade Will Farrell to sleep. Remember LeBron, Shaq was there first.



By upstaging Kelsey Grammer, I now deem Shaq “Big Frasier”.

Live From New York, It's A Play-By-Play Recap

1st Quarter:
The LeBronalouge seems to have been a good warm up for the rest of the game. He pre-recorded those different LeBron’s from his Nike commercials so that he wouldn’t have to work himself too hard before the game really got started.
He then went on to play the straight man for a classic weirdo SNL character portrayed by Kristen Wiig. Not too physically demanding, but he should be picking up some speed for later in the game.
Heading to the end of the quarter, LeBron knows he really needs to step his game up. He starts demanding the ball on offense and all eyes are on him during a “High School Musical” spoof, and he really delivers.
Towards the end of the quarter, they bench LeBron for a digital short. They let him catch his breath and give the role players some time.

2nd Quarter:
LeBron kicks the quarter off right with an NBA Read To Achieve PSA spoof, he becomes unstoppable and at one point actually dunks on a cast member. He’s on fire.
Ending the first half, the coaches make a questionable decision and play him at an awkward position. He’s really comfortable playing a studly NBA player, but the SNL staff has casted him as a flute-playing nerd on a BET talk show spoof. He just can’t seem to get anything going here; hopefully they’ll adjust that during halftime.

-Halftime show with Kanye West is enjoyed by all despite weird dancing and orchestra-

3rd Quarter:
The quarter starts with a play called for LeBron’s teammates, certainly risky but Keenan Thompson really steps up as OJ Simpson.
But of course, when you have a franchise player like Bron, you can’t call many plays without putting the ball in his hands. He starts up a hot streak as a Solid Gold dancer, giving his team a substantial lead.
For some insane reason, the coach takes him out of the game. Maybe he’s afraid of fatigue or injury but this couldn’t of come at a worse time. He runs a cartoon, benching LeBron just when he was getting hot. Ouch.
At the end of the quarter they don’t improve things for LeBron but the team gets help from a surprising performance from Kanye West. Bron supplies a 3 second cameo but if they don’t give him some serious time in the 4th, they can expect a loss.

4th Quarter:
Still not much from LeBron. Kanye slips on the court but picks himself up, and begins to call plays as he thinks of them. Despite yells from the Coach, his “off the top of the dome” play calling is rather productive. But LeBron still isn’t being used.
Wisely, they give Bron the ball in the closing minutes, playing him in his most comfortable position… as himself. He spoofs himself and his choice to skip college for a little while, lighting up the scoreboard as he does so.
LeBron ends the game by thanking his fans, teammates and coaches.

Post Game Thoughts:
LeBron’s team got the W, but LeBron himself was underused. He had solid 2nd and 4th quarters and his teammates really stepped it up in the 3rd. He didn’t mess up in any particular way and certainly solidified himself as an official crossover athlete. Watch out Brad Pitt, there’s a new blockbuster actor in town!

LeBron Is Making Shakespeare Proud

LeBron is all set to host SNL tonight and I’m expecting big things. As appearances on several talk shows, pre-game antics, and the ESPYS taught us, LeBron can keep a crowd entertained. I mean, just watch him sing Bobby Brown’s classic “My Lebronative”:



Don’t believe in his thespian skills, negative reader? Well, tell me this doesn’t churn your butter:



He’s playing four people at the same time! That type of acting is only done by the likes of Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall, undoubtedly two of the Worlds most classically trained actors.
I’m excited for SNL tonight, and you can expect a play-by-play recap coming next.

Shaq's Big Challenge: Not Accidently Crushing Children

Bored of watching the Spurs manhandle the Cavs in a one-sided NBA Finals series? I know I am but Shaq, once again, comes to the rescue. Diesel is signed on to battle childhood obesity in his new series with ABC, “Shaq’s Big Challenge”.
O’Neal has selected a crack team of the worlds best scientific minds (too bad he couldn’t just clone 6 versions of himself) to help him pummel these children into shape. Shaq's own physician and trainer, Dr. Carlon "Doc" Colker, personal trainer Tarik Tyler, nutritionist Dr. Joy Bauer, childhood obesity expert Dr. William Muinos, M.D. from Miami Children's Hospital, Food Network celebrity chef Tyler Florence and Shaq's Louisiana State University coach Dale Brow are all there to do the “sciency crap” for Big Aristotle.
Shaquille O’Neal will help 6 lucky Floridian middle-schoolers personally, through good diet and exercise to the point that they are able to see their own toes. But the fun doesn’t stop there, after helping these children, “Dr. Diesel’s Dream Team of Nutritionologists” will attempt to change the way the state of Florida deals with children’s health all throughout the state. Shaq for governor, anyone? No matter what level of government Shaq ends up in, here’s hoping that he truly makes a difference for the children.
In semi-related news, Shaq could once spin on his head as parts of his break-dance routine, but he gained too much weight and he can’t do it anymore without breaking his neck.