Draft Night Mistakes

Some issues, more important than the overlooking of Marc Gasol, have been the result of the draft. Most picks were conservative and well thought out, but some trades were totally boneheaded and ridiculous. These three just don’t make any sense:

1) Jason Richardson to Charlotte. Okay, this could prove to be moderately intelligent, but how can you get rid of the second most important player in the most infamous playoff upset EVER, I do not know. This is a pretty good move on Michael Jordan’s part, as he also obtained a pick, but Golden State really should have capitalized on the winning team they had, rather then seek out a young player who will need work. True, the missing part of this team was a solid rebounder, but rather than just draft this player for themselves, they took Marco Belinelli and chose to give up Richardson.
2) The Knicks obtained Zach Randolph from Portland and only had to give up Francis and Frye. Frye is by all means a project and getting rid of Francis’ contract was a great move, but Randolph’s high-caliber play might be one of the last things NY needs. The Knicks have LOTS of problems, but offensive post play is the least of their worries. With Eddy Curry leading the League in low-post play, Randolph really doesn’t solve any of their problems. It’s great to have two of the best offensive bigs on your squad but drop steps and hook shots won’t mean anything while your being dunked on and out shot all night. Randolph really doesn’t improve the Knicks’ chances of making the playoffs and he may be more trouble than he’s worth for this club.
3) The Celtics/Sonics trade is definitely the most boneheaded. Why, when you have Paul Pierce, do you need Ray Allen? At 6’5” and 6’6”, these two perimeter all-stars are almost useless in tandem. This duo cannot be effective at the same time. They both demand the ball for outside shots and they both play the same position. The only way Ray Allen can actually help the Celtics is if they trade him for a big or a point guard. Let’s hope they do make some sort of deal to get rid of one of these two and it better be worth the picks and players they gave up.

Spain's Most Famous Pop Singer Turned Basketball Player?

Well, the draft has been all but completely wrapped up and it is safe to say the NBA has gone through some serious changes. The Knicks and Celtics made trades that will completely change the nucleus of their teams and several clubs, including Portland, Seattle and Atlanta are starting on the long road to the playoffs. But some of the worlds favorite players will be going undrafted this year. While Unkranian embarrassment Kyrylo Fesenko, Chinese loser Sun Yue and Finnish humiliation Petteri Koponen will be in the L next year, Marc Gasol won’t be leaving España.
After winning the Spanish Grammy for most effeminate new male artist, Marc has been creating a lot of hype around certain NBA circles. But despite his basketball pedigree, accomplishments oversees and dashing good looks, Pau’s little bro will not be displaying his talent in the NBA this season.
In case you couldn’t tell, I was being completely sarcastic. Marc is absolutely terrible. I was hoping to make fun of a team for drafting him, but as they have surprised me with their intelligence, I can only show this YouTube video, highlighting his inability to play.



I doubt you watched what must be the most incredibly boring highlight reel since Shawn Bradley Presents: Best NBA Handles IV, so I’ll just break it down for you. He obviously can’t dunk and can barely run. He’s really not even one of the best players in Spain and no one would know his name if it weren’t for Pau. Anyway, just thought I’d bring you this embarrassingly awkward highlight reel and keep in mind: Marc Gasol is TERRIBLE.

Secret Lovers, That's What They Are

The Asian media reports that Yao Ming will be getting married this August to teenage sweetheart Ye Li in Shanghai. The two (known as China’s Sweethearts) have been dating for 8 years and the Titan Sports Weekly declares them, “A match based on pure love”. That is at least the second or third best thing a match can be based on, in my opinion. I know what you’re all thinking, how tall is this lady? Well she compliments Yao’s 7.5 foot frame with a respectable 6.2 feet herself and she also plays ball (a Chinese child prodigy is inevitable here).
This secret love was kept under wraps until the 2004 Athens Olympics, in which they both competed, where they were seen holding hands. Yao will marry the 25 year-old while he’s in Shanghai, their hometown, training with the national team.
But this couple isn’t perfect. These two lovebirds hope to keep their wedding quiet, leaving all inquiring minds unfulfilled. They know everyone wants a piece of this too-hot-to-handle power couple, but they refuse to provide any type of satisfaction to the greater media, "On that day there will be no media, basically it will only be relatives from both sides attending”. Well, this reporter says, we made you and we can destroy you. Hopefully someone will take some pictures on their camera phone.

KG May Want To Start Winning, Bad News For Minnesota

Just as fellow discontented superstar Kobe is looking to move, KG has grown tired of losing with a bunch of losing losers. Although he has yet to demand anything, Garnett is more than open to a trade. Many rumors have suggested a possible move to Boston, a 5 for 1 type of thing, but according to agent Andy Miller, “The Boston trade isn’t happening”.
So where does the Big Ticket want to go? Apparently, a team in a warm-weather city with a legitimate chance at a title, i.e. any other Western Conference team. Well, not ANY, but Dallas, San Antonio, Phoenix, maybe even Golden State… But he has, fortunately, narrowed it down from that list. He’s looking at the Suns.
This would mean allowing the best player in the L to leave your team and help out someone in your conference, but it’s not like Minnesota could lose anymore games anyway. The T-Wolves would like to receive Amare and a first-round pick in ‘08 for their trouble. This deal is almost impossible given the luxury tax involved, but allegedly, they will be making an effort to get KG on their roster.
Garnett may finally be fed up with Minnesota and his addition to Phoenix could be legendary but it’s gonna take a lot of complicated moves to get him there.

The Slam Heard 'Round The World

Sorry for the long hiatus, during which I’m sure you turned to some other provider for news on the Finals and the Draft. So here’s a little something different.
Kadour Ziani is probably the world’s best dunker. The 5’11” prodigy can do everything from a double windmill to a 360 to leaping over a Porsche thanks to his 56” vertical (yup, FIFTY SIX). He recently signed with K1X, the German basketball apparel company, but he states he’s not in it for the money, “I don’t have money, I don’t have anything. But in my hear I am rich…Some people need food to live. I need to dunk”.
This guy goes up, without caution or reserve, putting his body on the line for his love of jamming. “Each time I go up for a dunk, I am ready to die. I am training with death. I am not scared”.
Apart from his ability and his fearlessness, he also has some impressive philosophies. Kadour, a Frenchman of Algerian decent, wants to bring the universe together through the art of slam. Along with his traveling dunk crew, SlamNation, Ziani’s goal is to bring people closer. “I want to give people hope and the power to believe that anything is possible”.
But don’t take my word for it; check out one of the most impressive dudes to throw it down since… well, ever.

Bob Delaney Wants Bad Ratings

"I Hate Superstars"


The Cavs were not robbed of victory last night. LeBron had a small chance of bringing it into overtime in which the Spurs would have, most likely, woken up and decided to beat Cleveland. Even LeBron said to the media after the game, “Incidental contact. It didn't affect my shot. I had a good look at it and I missed”. But with this said, that was a totally bogus call.
The refs were pretty terrible all game, giving Bron his 3rd off of an obvious flop by Bruce Bowen and Duncan his 3rd after not fouling Zydrunas. Even if they were close calls (which they weren’t) in the Finals you have to let your superstars play, especially with ratings the way they are.
The refs inaptitude came to be defined during the last play of the game. As LeBron came to the top of the key to tie the game with a three-pointer, Bowen intentionally grabbed him as he was going into the shot. This wasn’t a dumb decision, as two foul shots from a poor shooter while up three would probably seal victory, but he accidentally fouled him while shooting and there was no call. Despite LeBron’s comments to the media, he looked pretty mad after the game and there’s no doubt he would have liked those foul shots. He was definitely mad at Bob Delaney (not actually quoted above as saying he called lame fouls because he hates superstars, but you get the idea).
The Cavs are getting no help in this series and now they have to perform a miracle if they want to win this series. Maybe they can at least make it more interesting.

Shaq's Big Challenge: Not Accidently Crushing Children

Bored of watching the Spurs manhandle the Cavs in a one-sided NBA Finals series? I know I am but Shaq, once again, comes to the rescue. Diesel is signed on to battle childhood obesity in his new series with ABC, “Shaq’s Big Challenge”.
O’Neal has selected a crack team of the worlds best scientific minds (too bad he couldn’t just clone 6 versions of himself) to help him pummel these children into shape. Shaq's own physician and trainer, Dr. Carlon "Doc" Colker, personal trainer Tarik Tyler, nutritionist Dr. Joy Bauer, childhood obesity expert Dr. William Muinos, M.D. from Miami Children's Hospital, Food Network celebrity chef Tyler Florence and Shaq's Louisiana State University coach Dale Brow are all there to do the “sciency crap” for Big Aristotle.
Shaquille O’Neal will help 6 lucky Floridian middle-schoolers personally, through good diet and exercise to the point that they are able to see their own toes. But the fun doesn’t stop there, after helping these children, “Dr. Diesel’s Dream Team of Nutritionologists” will attempt to change the way the state of Florida deals with children’s health all throughout the state. Shaq for governor, anyone? No matter what level of government Shaq ends up in, here’s hoping that he truly makes a difference for the children.
In semi-related news, Shaq could once spin on his head as parts of his break-dance routine, but he gained too much weight and he can’t do it anymore without breaking his neck.